Parallels

I have been following the corrupt patterns of the FBI/DOJ in recent months. I firmly believe this level of corruptness would never have come to light if the election of 2016 had gone the other way and the opposing candidate won the election. I have been following the corrupt patterns of the FBI/DOJ in recent months. I firmly believe this level of corruptness would never have come to light if the election of 2016 had gone the other way and the opposing candidate won the election.

My fascination, however, goes deeper. It becomes personal. The corruption, deceit and lies closely parallels the life that I lived for 30 years. To a certain extent I continue to live stuck in the deceit and lies that I chose to escape from even though it’s been 8 years since I walked away. The perpetrator, my ex-husband, continues to stalk, continues his attempts to control, even though he is breaking the law. He, like so many of the Deep State actors in our government today, believes that he is above the law. The current judicial system in our county continues to reward him for his actions, for his behaviors. His family turns the other way, knowing that he has committed crimes. Instead they assist him in his criminal activity by covering up his conduct. Lies, deceit, secrets kept. I know, I did it too. I kept the secrets. I knew he was lying. I knew he was deceiving people. You see, I am a Christian. Being a Christian wife I was committed to my marriage. I told myself that I wasn’t going to reveal to anyone what I knew. I told myself that I wasn’t going to participate in all the ‘women talk’ I heard at baby showers or wedding showers where the women all talked about their husband’s flaws. It was an insult to the men they were married to and it showed total lack of respect to the men they were supposed ‘to love and cherish.’

As a Christian I continued to cling to the hope that my spouse would ‘turn from his wicked ways’ and choose a relationship with God. My spouse knew of my commitment to him. Ten years into our marriage he committed what most would consider an unpardonable sin. I contacted my pastor and told him that I was leaving Lee (not his name) and would be getting a divorce. But in counseling with me he asked me a question. He asked, “If Lee had cancer would you stay with him?” I answered, “of course I would.” His response to that was, “Joy, he has a mental disease.” Because of that comment, because I was a 35 year old woman with three children and because of the fear of the unknown, I stayed. I dealt with all the ugliness, I walked through a valley that was unimaginable. I chose the unpopular route and suffered painful repercussions. I was accused of knowing what he had been doing. I did my best to keep the family together. I maintained our business when he went to jail. All the while I kept it secret. I lived in fear for years that on any given day someone would knock on my door and take my children from me.

I stayed with him thinking that I could be his savior. But he didn’t want to be saved. He made a few changes, but continued his sinful life covertly. But there came a breaking point. Fifteen years later, after 25 years of marriage he started telling me he didn’t love me anymore. He didn’t want a divorce. He just wanted us to live under the same roof, and go about our lives independently. He wanted me to continue to wear all the hats I wore and continue keeping his secrets. He wanted an open marriage and expected me to agree. The next 5 years were a constant battle with me telling him “no more secrets, no more lies.” Fear of the unknown kept me a prisoner. He had convinced me to give up my career in banking when we married and now all these years later I had nothing. I had no profession, no technical skills, and no career to fall back on. I had been the unpaid office manager and bookkeeper for our small two-man corporation all those years, but had no boss to ask for a letter of recommendation, no resume that could be verified. I was trapped.

I insisted on marriage counseling. He agreed, but after several sessions the counselor took me into his office alone. He had given us ‘homework’ the previous session and Lee had shown up having not done it. The counselor suggested he sit in the reception area and work on it while he talked with me. Having me alone he told me that he felt he needed to tell me that when ‘he saw the look in the eyes of a spouse that he saw in Lee’s that not one marriage survived.’ He wanted to warn me of the inevitable, to prepare me for divorce. He called Lee into his office and proceeded to continue with the session. Lee sat with his day-planner open on his crossed legs, discussing what he had written in the reception area. Later that day, at home, I saw his unattended day-planner on the counter. I walked over to it to look at his notes. There were none. I thumbed through every page. NONE. He sat there in the counselor’s office fabricating answers. It was a con game and he had played it well. It was the breaking point. It was the ‘enough is enough’ moment. I didn’t confront him. It was purposeless. I knew from years of arguments that no matter what I said he would turn it around and make me the transgressor.

I told him that I was moving to our rental, a duplex that we owned. I asked him if he would do some updates to one side to make it more comfortable. It was an older facility and desperately needed some upgrades. He agreed. Still we went for months as he put off any remodeling. He also came out of hiding about all the women in his life. Phone calls from our home office to business affiliates that were flirtatious and inappropriate. No filters. No closed doors, knowing I was in close proximity. Telephone numbers left on his console of his truck that upon doing a reverse directory proved to be his old high school girlfriend. Telephone calls to let me know “we’re here” when he went alone on out of town overnight jobs. Emails sent to women from my computer. Phone calls when he left to go into town with totally random comments. “Did you know it’s foggy up here on the hill?” I found out one of his women lived just a mile away. I realized he was calling the home number to make sure I hadn’t followed him. I came home from shopping to find filth X-rated websites left open on my computer. The list goes on. I understand now that it was his way to get me to leave so that he could fabricate Fake News. When I walked out he could depict himself as the victim. Poor Lee, he didn’t know what to do. Joy had ‘meltdowns’ over nothing and he was the suffering poor spouse. It worked. By the time I left he had turned everyone against me.

The duplex? He did finally start the upgrades. However, I walked in one day to find the side I was to move into destroyed. Drywall ripped out, plumbing exposed, kitchen cabinets ripped from the walls, bathroom gutted, holes in ceilings. I was standing there in shock, too stunned to cry, knowing that he had effectively trapped me into being unable to move out. He didn’t want me, but he didn’t want to let me escape from his evilness. Surprisingly there was a knock at the door. I opened it and a high school friend who had offered to help Lee with the upgrades was standing there. He came in and when he saw the destruction all he could ask was “what happened?” At that time I told him that Lee and I were getting a divorce and that was to be my home. He walked around for several minutes and then asked, “What does the other side look like?” My response was “It needed more work than this side till this happened.” He asked if I had a key and we went over and looked at the other side. Again, several minutes of walking around and he said “I can help you make this livable.” He was a lifesaver, but not without a cost. When Lee found out that Al was helping me out he simply found another lie, another story to tell people about me. “Joy’s been having an affair and she’s leaving me for my best friend in high school.” I hadn’t been having an affair and Al was never his best friend.”

Still I didn’t know just how psychologically disordered he was until much later. It wasn’t until I had filed for a divorce that two separate individuals in the legal field used the terms ‘Sociopath’ and ‘Narcissist’. I’d heard both terminologies but was totally unfamiliar with their definitions. I went home that day and Googled both words. And that was the beginning of my journey to being enlightened. But that will be for another post.

If you look at the political/government corruption from the psychological point of view it falls right into the category of what Malignant Narcissism is. There are multitudes of articles in psychology magazines, blogs and websites regarding Malignant Narcissism. Narcisstic Personality Disorder. New label, old malady. Give it a label, call it a Disorder and it becomes acceptable, even tolerable.

It’s as old as the Bible. Truly, it is my Faith in God that has helped me survive. If I can use what I’ve learned to help others than I can look forward to hearing the coveted words, “well done, good and faithful servant.”